Coming to Terms with Donor Eggs: 6 Considerations for Future Parents

Starting a family is an exciting prospect, but it may not be entirely joyful for parents who struggle to conceive. Infertility is more common than many people realize, and donor eggs may be a part of your journey to parenthood. However, prospective parents encounter some of the same thoughts that come up surrounding this egg donation ranging from difficult emotions to the risk of not bonding with their child. If you need help coming to terms with donor eggs, then these six considerations will help you to make an informed decision. 

Coming to Terms With Donor Eggs

1. Your Emotions are Valid

When coming to terms with donor eggs, it is quite common for future parents to have a range of emotions. You may feel angry, sad, and even frustrated about the fact that you have to rely on a donor to start your family. This is a completely normal reaction when going through what can be a stressful situation. 

Instead of trying to push the feelings down, take time to reflect on these emotions and understand where they are coming from. To this end, you may want to meet regularly with a therapist. A trained professional can help you not only understand your feelings but also express them in a healthy way. 

From the very beginning, take the time to come to terms with your feelings so that you can provide a warm and loving environment for your future child once they arrive. This is an absolutely crucial place to start, both for your own well-being and for a future child.

2. Fertility Doesn’t Affect Your Worth as a Human

Infertility is more common than you might think: in the United States roughly one in five married women have trouble getting pregnant within one year of trying. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), 48 million couples are affected by infertility or roughly 15% of those who are reproductive-aged. 

You might feel like you have failed in some way if you are unable to conceive without the help of a donor. You might feel as though you are broken in some fundamental way, but neither of these statements is true! 

Just because you need help to conceive does not make you a failure or affect your worth as an individual. If you are struggling to truly come to terms with this truth, a trained professional will be able to provide the support and perspective to guide you. 

3. You Can Still Bond with Your Child

When coming to terms with donor eggs, many people share concerns that using a donor egg or donor sperm will make it more difficult to bond with their child. After all, the donor is essentially a stranger rather than someone that you know and love. 

However, blood relation is not necessary to form meaningful relationships – just think of how you feel about your friends, your spouse, or your family by marriage. 

Any parent who takes the time and effort can bond with their child. For example, you can: 

• Look into the child’s eyes while bottle feeding
• Provide skin-to-skin contact
• Talk to your child and read aloud to them
• Respond quickly to their cries
• Take naps with your child

The key is to make intentional time to spend with your child. They need just as much of your love and attention as any other child would. You can bond with them from an early age and help them to feel secure in your love and affection for them. 

4. Genetics Don’t Decide Everything

Many prospective parents worry that donor egg genetics will have a major impact on how their child looks and acts. There will indeed be some impact, but it’s more often a mix of nature and nurture. As far as concerns that the child may not look like you, many future parents select donors who do look like them so there is a greater chance of family resemblance. 

Epigenetics plays an important role in the development of a child’s life – and it starts with the child’s time in the womb. Exposure to stress in the prenatal period can influence the biological traits that your child will be predisposed to due to genetics. How you care for yourself and for a developing child is key to influencing their biological traits. To this end, avoid alcohol and drugs, eat a well-balanced diet, and minimize stress. 

Once the child is born, they will start to develop habits and preferences. This is influenced more by nurture than nature, based on what they will learn by spending time with you. If you want to influence your child’s development, spend time with them and watch them change. 

5. You’ll Need a Plan for the Future

Down the road, you will need to tell your child about the circumstances of their birth. This is not something that you will want to hide forever. For their own health and safety, it is crucial that they know – and you may need to do it sooner rather than later. 

Research indicates that it is best to tell children earlier than you might think – often before the age of seven. According to this study, children who knew about their biological conception before the age of seven had more positive family relationships and higher well-being as adolescents. 

6. Choose Your Donor with Care

Take your time when it comes to selecting an egg donor – or whether to use a donor at all. You should never feel pressured or rushed to make such a monumental decision. Coming to terms with donor eggs should be a decision made with care and thorough research.

Some people may be tempted to use a friend or a family member as a donor. If you choose to go this route, understand that it can complicate what may have once been a simple relationship or lead to legal complications down the road.

Working with an official gamete bank ensures that all donors are properly screened. They must meet all the requirements including psychological screenings and health screenings to rule out inheritable genetic diseases. Before anyone can donate, they must meet our stringent requirements at The World Egg and Sperm Bank. 

Learn More about Egg Donation 

If you are coming to terms with donor eggs as the right solution for your growing family, take some time to learn more about the egg donor recipient process. Our expert staff at The World Egg and Sperm Bank are here to answer your questions and ease your concerns about using an egg donor. Reach out to us today to learn more about this process!

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